Caveat Emptor

Monday, October 13, 2025

As any of you who’ve been following this blog know, I’ve been away with The Lightfoot Band since Tuesday, September 30, doing a string of shows in the US. I just returned last night.
The Thursday morning before I left, September 25, I was sitting at my kitchen table, having a cup of coffee, doing the New York Times crossword. These daily puzzles get more difficult as the week goes on, and by Thursday, I’m usually Zen-like in rapt concentration, solving the damned thing. 
I was startled by a loud knock at my door.
“This better be good,” I yelled.
I begrudgingly got up and headed to the door. A guy who looked to be in his early twenties was in the middle of knocking again as I opened the door.
“This better be good,” I yelled again.
“Hello, sir, I’m with a roofing repair company and we’re doing a project in your neighbourhood, and”
“Go away”
“Sir, we spotted a problem…”
“Go away”
“Your chimney is crumbling”
Now I was aware that a 50-year-old chimney frequently requires repair, and mine was 65. Also, there were a couple of bricks that didn’t look right.
“How do you know?”
“We flew a drone over your street that takes high-definition pictures. For no charge, we’ll go up onto your roof and make a detailed inspection.”
“Okay” 
Half an hour later:
“We found some serious problems. The chimney needs to be rebuilt.”
“How much?”
“Nine thousand dollars”
“THE FUCK YOU SAY!!!!!”
“I’m giving you a special rate because we were already in the neighbourhood”
“Come back in an hour,” I said, “I need to do some research”
I called a friend who knew a little about these things, and he said that it didn’t sound unreasonable.
While I was on the phone, a guy was on the roof demolishing my chimney. Half of it was on the lawn.
So now I had to do something because I was going away for two weeks and I couldn’t leave it like that.
I’ll shorten the story.
The two other guys got back, and I told them to go ahead. Twenty minutes later, the lead guy knocked on my door again and said they had found more problems, and it would now cost fifteen thousand dollars. Also, to take advantage of this discount, the payment must be in cash.
“Take your drone, fly it right up your ass, and if there’s room, shove the ladder up there too”
“You’re making a mistake…..”
The next day, I had a legitimate contractor look at it, and by Saturday, the job was done for two thousand dollars.